Lizzie Borden


Yesterday in old Fall River, Mr. Andrew Borden died
And they got his daughter Lizzie on a charge of homicide
Some folks say she didn't do it, and others say of course she did
But they all agree Miss Lizzie B. was a problem kind of kid

'Cause you can't chop your papa up in Massachusetts
Not even if it's planned as a surprise
No, you can't chop your papa up in Massachusetts
You know how neighbors love to criticize

She got him on the sofa where he'd gone to take a snooze
And I hope he went to heaven 'cause he wasn't wearing shoes
Lizzie kinda rearranged him with a hatchet so they say
Then she got her mother in that same old-fashioned way!

But you can't chop your mama up in Massachusetts
Not even if you're tired of her cuisine
No, you can't chop your mama up in Massachusetts
You know it's almost sure to cause a scene

Well, they really kept her hoppin' on that busy afternoon
With both down- and up-stairs chopping while she hummed a ragtime tune
They really made her hustle and when all was said and done
She'd removed her mother's bustle when she wasn't wearing one

Oh, you can't chop your mama up in Massachusetts
And then blame all the damage on the mice
No, you can't chop your mama up in Massachusetts
That kind of thing just isn't very nice

Now, it wasn't done for pleasure and it wasn't done for spite
And it wasn't done because the lady wasn't very bright
She'd always done the slightest thing that mom and papa bid
They said, "Lizzie, cut it out," so that's exactly what she did

But you can't chop your papa up in Massachusetts
And then get dressed and go out for a walk
No, you can't chop your papa up in Massachusetts
Massachusetts is a far cry from New York

No, you can't chop your papa up in Massachusetts
Shut the door, and lock and latch it, here comes Lizzie with a brand new hatchet
Can't chop your papa up in Massachusetts
Such a snob, I've heard it said, she met her pa and cut him dead
You can't chop your papa up in Massachusetts
Jump like a fish, jump like a porpoise, all join hands and habeas corpus
Can't chop your papa up in Massachusetts
Massachusetts is a far cry from New York


The Chad Mitchell Trio - Mighty Day On Campus
1961